


Join Us On This Makes Absolutely No Sense Where I Will Be Waxing An Owl

by IHaveNotTurnedGOOD (ThereCanBeNoRedemptionWithoutBlood)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Green Wing
Genre: Humor, Missy Pretends To Be Sue White, Missy Wreaks Havoc In A Surreal Hospital In England, Multi, Squirrels, Sue White Is Missy, Surreal, Swearing, The Author Will Regret Writing This, This is DUMB, like lots of swearing, post the doctor falls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-28 00:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13892526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereCanBeNoRedemptionWithoutBlood/pseuds/IHaveNotTurnedGOOD
Summary: When two of Missy's worlds collide...





	1. The Return

I don't own Doctor Who & Green Wing. All rights go to their respective owners.

 

The Return 

 

Coughing, tears drip down Missy’s face from the pain caused by the laser screwdriver she'd been shot with.

She's dying. She knows that.

She won't accept that though.

She's The Master. She always finds a way.

But if this is the end then she wants to be with him.

The Doctor… One last time.

Theta & Koschei.

During the two weeks The Doctor had been unconscious. She had managed to craft herself a working vortex manipulator, just in case.

She'd kept it in one of her pockets.

It should still be there.

Her hand wraps around it.

It's only capable of one trip and it is basically useless.

It might not even take her to The Doctor.

But if she is dying then, it's worth the shot.

She squeezes the manipulator and closes her eyes.

Thinking the word ‘Doctor’ in her mind…

 

The horrific experience of traveling like that in her condition causes Missy to cry out in agony as she materialises on the ground of someplace.

Their’s carpet underneath her hands, she can feel it.

“Doctor?” She whispers hoarsely as she looks around, her head colliding with something metal.

The room is familiar. Too familiar. 

But she cannot sense The Doctor anywhere.

The sound of a door opening fills her eyes faintly.

“Oh shit.” She hears someone swear. Her vision is fading but she recognises the voice.

It's not The Doctor.

It is a doctor though.

“What?” Another familiar voice fills the air. 

“Shit.” The second voice says, a little bit more calmer than the first.

It still isn't The Doctor though.

“What happened?”

“I don't know, I just I thought I heard something. I came in here and I found her like this… Sue. Sue? Can you hear me!” The first voice calls and whilst unable to make a sound anymore, internally Missy groans.

“Get her up, come on.” The second voice says, the calm voice of authority.

Missy feels herself being lifted from the ground then, despite the darkness that is beginning to take her away.

Now however, she's being moved.

Being carried by Dr. Guy Secretan and Dr. Mac Macartney.

Ahh fuck! Missy thinks internally.

These were not the Doctor’s she'd had in mind!

The pain she feels, however, becomes her first thought.

She just wants it all to stop. Everything just needs to stop hurting…

It is at that point that she is finally taken by the darkness…


	2. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy attempts to escape Guy and Mac.

I don't own Doctor Who & Green Wing. All rights go to their respective owners.

 

Wake up. Missy subconsciously tells herself firmly.

Wake up right now.

She doesn't want to. The pain is so excruciating and she's pretty certain her nose has started to bleed.

She's still dying from the attack her younger self fired at her.

But she can't die here. Not like this.

Not in this horrific place. She muses to herself whilst trying to wake.

Couldn't think of anything worse.

Dying in a pathetic human hospital.

However, it currently she does feel comforted by the fact people she is acquainted with are around her.

Yeah, she knew them in the human form she’d become to kill time but when she gave up being Sue White, she had all her memories. 

All the somewhat feelings she had for her colleagues.

Truthfully, it's nice to not be on her feet right now.

And as, Sue White, she'd always wanted to be carried by Dr. Mac Macartney.

Technically, she's been carried by Guy to, which isn't that bad, as Sue White she had had sex with him. Yeah, he'd been crap, mind. Got all cuddly like a girl.

Those thoughts alone almost force her back into consciousness.

She needs to wake up right now.

She can't risk staying in this state. Dying doesn't bother her, never has, never will. What bothers her is the worry of either Guy or Mac examining her and realizing that she's not human.

She forces herself into consciousness at that thought, just as Guy and Mac place her gently onto a bed.

“Out of my way twats.” She mumbles in a very Sue White way.  
“Woah, woah, you are not moving an inch. Stay right there.” Mac warns her.

Normally, she'd reply with something vicious or even attempt to kill said person, but she just doesn't have the energy.

“I'm fine.” She replies, trying to get to her feet.

“Fine? What, so passed out in your office with a nose bleed and being completely unresponsive until a few seconds ago is fine? Jesus, Sue.” Guy sighs with a shake of his head.

“That's because I am fine ya cretinous fuckwit.” She hisses at him, causing him to flinch and her to smirk. 

“I have to agree with Guy on this one, you're not fine.”

“I have to disagree I'm…” Missy starts before coughing, more blood streaming down her nose.

“Right, right. Join us all next week on let’s make no fucking sense, where I will be waxing an owl.” Mac replies sarcastically.

“You just couldn't wait to say that again, could you?” Guy says with a shake of his head.

“One of the best things I've said.” Mac retorts.

“Really?” Guy folds his arms.

“Um, yes it is. It's no different from you saying ‘see you in Zurich’ every time you're pretending to be on the phone.” Mac points out.

“At least I'm trying to achieve something!”

“What, a one night stand. What an achievement! No, no, no. You're not going anywhere.” Mac suddenly returns his attention back to Missy who is trying to get away.

“You two take a few more minutes if you like.” Missy starts.

“A one night stand is an achievement.” Guy mutters.

“I know it must feel that way, seeing as it literally never happens to you.” Mac smirks before turning back to Missy.

“Look, I took something. Something in my office to help me sleep. I mean I got to listen to you wankers moan about your problems, Dr. Todd’s shit and Guy’s non existent sex life. I needed a fucking break, I just reacted badly to the shit. I'm fine.” She lies, moving to get up.

“Um, you can't walk in a straight line.” Guy points out.

“She can't even walk.” Mac sighs, crossing the room is very few strides to get to Missy.

“At least let us examine you.” He starts.

“No thanks. I'm fine, Dr. Macartney, Dr. Secretan.” She glances towards both of them once, before moving out of Mac’s reach.

“I'll attack you with this if you get any ideas!” She mutters to them, wheilding a walking stick that she manages to get a hold onto to keep her upright.

“Should one of us go after her?” Guy enquires.

“Yes. She is defiantly not alright.” Mac replies.

“I mean for one, she's not all over either of us. Actually, I think she wanted to get away from us.” Guy retorts.

“Probably just you to be fair.” Mac sighs.

“Wanker.”

“Arsehole.”

“Who even says arsehole anymore?” Guy retorts.

“Well, you just did.” Mac shrugs.

“Arsehole.” Guy grumbles.

“Oh look, you just said it again!” 

 

Meanwhile…

 

Having returned to her office, Missy sits at her desk, tissue held to her nose as it bleeds.

The pain is still excruciating.

All she can feel is the pain.

Moments later, it causes her to throw up and she does, throwing up blood into her bin, several times.

If she's going to die. Can't it just happen already?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still so stupid and probably the worst thing I have ever written but I came up with another chapter and was all happy to post it and then I realized that I literally have no ideas at all for the next chapter. So, if anyone actually likes want I'm writing here and has any ideas, please send them :) thanks again for reading, please do tell me what you thought of this.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear this is the most stupid thing I have ever written and guys, it's gonna get dumber. The next chapters will include the humour and surreal moments I mentioned in the tags, this chapter was just necessary to start it off. I mean, this is literally so dumb but it just came to me after I rewatched Green Wing and spammed my Tumblr with Guy gifs. Thanks for reading if anyone has done, please comment if you can :)


End file.
